BDSM and hard sex: safety rules for your health

The 5 basic rules

Sexosafe (Santé publique France) sums up “safe” hard sex in five rules:

1. Consent is essential: say clearly what you want and don’t want, beforehand.
2. A safeword: an agreed word or gesture that stops everything, immediately, even mid-scene. If gagged, use a gesture (drop an object, tap three times).
3. Listen to your body: pain is a signal to respect; go at your own pace.
4. Avoid drugs: they raise the risk of injury and unwanted escalation.
5. A safe setting: place, partner, and someone who knows where you are if it’s a first meeting.

With a partner met online

Sexosafe advises discussing limits beforehand, especially with app partners, and possibly doing a softer trial session. For beginners, the ideal is an experienced, sober partner who stays in control. The sub must always be able to ask for a pause or a stop.

Precautions by practice

• Bondage: watch circulation (cold, blue or tingling fingers = loosen); keep blunt-tip shears within reach; never leave a tied-up person alone.
• Choking / breath play: Sexosafe advises against it except between very experienced partners; the risk of serious injury is high and loss of consciousness can happen without warning (erotic asphyxiation).
• Urethral sounds: triple disinfection (sound, glans, hands), suitable lube, never an improvised object.
• Trampling: only on tensed abs, never on ribs or pelvis; mind the weight difference.
• Impact (whip, cane, paddle): aim for fleshy areas (buttocks, thighs), avoid kidneys, spine, neck, joints.
• Fisting and stretching: plenty of lube, protection, stop if it hurts (fisting).
• Blood: sterile equipment, gloves, one tool per person (blood play).
• Gang bang: condoms/PrEP/TasP, generous lube (group sex).

After the session

• Clean and disinfect wounds straight away; for internal anal injuries, see a proctologist (Sexosafe).
• Aftercare: Sexosafe reminds us that dominance doesn’t rule out tenderness. Cuddles, water, sugar, a blanket, talking about the scene. The emotional “drop” the next day is common: check in.

And STIs?

BDSM is no “dirtier” than anything else, but practices involving blood, fluids or shared toys expose you to hepatitis and STIs. Vaccines (hepatitis A and B), PrEP and regular testing remain the basics.